I continue my reflection on the text "Man, misogyny, power and the search for regression. Why are we like this?", which I published in may. In this text, I will discuss fatherhood. Many readers know that my doctoral research is on masculinities—specifically, on the concept of caring masculinities. This concept addresses, among other aspects, the type of masculinity that is most open to gender equity, and this is the reason for my interest. Understanding how we can create masculinities that are more open to equity, less competitive, aggressive, and violent—that is, those which I consider more socially healthy—is one of the focuses of my work.
+ Man, misogyny, power and the search for regression. Why are we like this?
By delving into the material produced to date by various authors around the world, I have realized that the exercise of fatherhood can be one of the factors that modify the social construct of hegemonic masculinity. I saw this firsthand in 2011 when I did fieldwork for the “Projeto Homem” (lit. Project ‘Man’) research. During this project, I observed, in the Brazilian cities where I researched, that children were promoting a gradual and consistent change in men. masculinidade hegemônica. Vi isso in loco em 2011 quando entrei em campo com a pesquisa Projeto Homem. Nesse projeto observei, nas cidades do Brasil em que pesquisei, que as crianças estavam promovendo uma mudança gradual e consistente nos homens.
Fatherhood, even in the most sexist environments, was a social space where emotion, vulnerability and even silly acts were permitted without much embarrassment—they were a source of humor and fun—although this relaxation didn't prevent sexism from continuing to reign in other areas. Indeed, one thing sexism does very well is separate the relationship with children from the romantic relationship with women. And of course, many women who suffer from abusive relationships are moved and find in this a reason to stay in those relationships. Always looking for a light at the end of the tunnel, believing that behind so much brutality lies a good man, who suffered in childhood and whom she is responsible for embracing (I talk more about this in the previous text).
Parallel to the current rise in misogyny, I see changes in my daily life around some men in regards to fatherhood. From 2011 (when I began researching this topic) until a few years ago, active and caring fatherhood was valued, even in the media. Today, I have spoken with men who are fathers and I notice, even among young men, the idea that childcare is a woman's role. Some of them harbor the idea that it is their job to bring in the money and that the mother should do the rest. Dividing, not uniting.
+ Misogyny with flowers: what could be behind romantic love?
Everyone loses. Women, with the overload of caregiving work—the now-famous care economy, which is being evaluated and monitored globally; men, who lose the possibility of more direct contact with the pure love of a child; and children, who lose contact with a loving and caring type of masculinity. Not to mention society, which loses less bellicose men. It is inevitable not to consider the war economy, which benefits from more violent men, as well as those whose worldview focuses first, second and third on profit, often above the human side of life.
The idea of a tougher, more insensitive and more aggressive man has been spreading even without us realizing its scope. Examples include the decrease in investment in DE&I programs within companies and comments like those of Meta founder Mark Zuckerberg, who during the podcast "The Joe Rogan Experience" criticized the current corporate culture as "culturally neutral" and argued that celebrating aggressiveness would bring benefits.
+ Masculinity and (it’s) Power
Promoting caring fatherhood is vital for a healthier society. It heals men, it heals an aggressive and domineering society. One of the most beautiful things I have had the opportunity to witness for over twenty years is the love my partner shows his children and now our granddaughter. I am a witness that loving—that is, clearly, giving more than receiving—is healing, bringing fulfillment, self-esteem and security. Caring fatherhood—understanding that caring is one of the practical expressions of love—helps fathers become socially healthier human beings; it helps children learn to love by caring with no gender involved; it helps women with their overload of tasks, their confidence in life, and their feelings of loneliness when facing life's challenges.
